Thursday, September 30, 2010

Evacuate the dance floor.

I have two and a half hours to finish this paper, and I still need five more pages.

I'm not doing well.  I have been collapsing after minimal activity.  My eyes are this beautiful, crisp turquoise color, but the bags under my eyes are an ugly grayish brown.  I'm eating healthy, I'm taking vitamins, I'm going to the gym 4 times a week, and drinking 5-6 bottles of water a day.  But I'm gaining weight.  Every time I weigh myself, I've gained weight.  What is going on?  I wake up every morning with headaches, which sometimes continue to grow until they're migraines, and I have to lay in bed with the lights off for hours.  I frequently feel cold or hot when everyone around me is comfortable.  I'm dizzy, unfocused, and fragile.  I have no idea what's going on.

I went to the doctor.  I had blood taken.  I had to pee in a cup.

I still don't know any answers.  My results should be in at the end of the week.  My doctor says that I've let my condition, whatever it is, go unchecked for too long.  It might be as simple as a thyroid problem, but could be as serious as cancer, and I'm honestly a little afraid.  Hormone replacement therapy is a bitch, after all.

I've got track marks and bruises on my arms from the tests. I don't want to have to worry about this now.  This is not a simple case of stressed out college student.  College seems like the least of my problems right now, even though this paper is likely not going to be finished on time.  It hardly seems to matter when your body feels so horrible, like it might give out at any second.

Please think good thoughts about me.


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  2. My sweet,

    Spend your time being strong. Whatever may be happening to you is happening for a reason. I pray to some god somewhere that you find out in a timely manner what's going on and are able move forward in your lovely life.

    Always call or text me if you need some support or someone to listen, I lub yew.